Goddess in the Kitchen
by Queen
Summary: Co-written with Quicksilver! A belated entry to Sango-sama's food challenge fic contest. Some anime are known for their 'killer cooks'...and 'Inuyasha' is sure to be no exception.


Goddess in the Kitchen

  


Queen and Quicksilver   
iceaffinity@hotmail.com & mbsilvana@yahoo.com   
Disclaimer: Inu Yasha and All Associates, settings, and items belong to Rumiko Takahashi, and whomever she feels like licensing it to. We don't own them, and all characters will be returned, none the worse for wear. 

Quicksilver's Notes: This is a response to Sango-sama's food challenge. Sure, it took forever, but we're relatively pleased with the results- and remember, it's all in good fun! I had great fun writing with Queen, even though I had to bully her into it!!!   
Episode 59 shows Sango cooking, but this was started way before we saw it. The premise: Takahashi is renown for her "killer cooks", like Akane! And in the Inu Yasha world, there's bound to be one! Since we've seen proof that Kagome can cook, that leaves… Sango.   
Run. Run for the hills! 

Queen's Notes: Of course, culinary mayhem may be reserved for the guys- we've never seen them cook. Since Quicksilver is being a big bully, and the fact that this was Sango-sama's challenge, Sango got the interesting role of the "killer cook."   
Enjoy the insanity.   
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~ 

  


It took Inu Yasha weeks to forgive Sango for what had been an honest mistake. 

Usually when it came time to set camp, Kagome would do the cooking, bringing out her modern cookware and heating up her instant meals. When she ran out of those, Inu Yasha or Sango would go hunting while Kagome gathered whatever plant life was edible, and Miroku would cook, often showing Shippou some of the tricks and tactics. 

And yet, nothing quite prepared them for this. Miroku cooking usually produced something edible- knowing the way around a campfire was handy, but occasionally someone else would have to take a turn. The sheer thought of being domesticated brought a horrified expression to Inu Yasha's face- Kagome, without her modern appliances, didn't know where to begin- and Shippou was still learning the concept that 'burned food is bad.' 

So of course, that left Sango for a turn. 

"Sango, you can get started on the meat while I gather some herbs, okay?" Kagome said, shoulder her bow and unhooking her bicycle basket to hold whatever she happened to find. "There's spices in my bag, along with a pot." 

Sango went pale. "I've never really cooked before..." 

"It's not hard! Just use your common sense!" Kagome chirped as she disappeared into the woods. 

"I can always help you..." Miroku offered, an amazingly innocent expression on his face. 

Sango's eyes narrowed. She didn't trust him as far as she could throw him. "That's okay. I can manage by myself." 

No one noticed that Kirara chose this moment to go off on her own, disappearing into some low bushes. 

Miroku shrugged, glancing around and trying to determine what to do, as Sango made her way over to the spices and pot in Kagome's basket. It was amazing, for such a small basket, how a large pot could fit in there, as well as various spices all inside small little containers. Kagome's world was surely full of wonders. 

Kagome's items aside, Sango was worried. Cooking was not exactly her forte, since she usually spent her time training- cooking was for non-fighters at home, allowing the demon hunters to spend time practicing. But there was no way she was going to let houshi-sama help her. Who knew where his hands would end up? 

Once, as a little girl, she had dreamed of growing up to be a wife a mother. She would prepare tasty meals that people enjoyed, and her family would love her for it. Those dreams hadn't lasted long. By the time she was five, her father was teaching her how to use a sword to be a demon exterminator. She wouldn't change a thing, though she did wish that she'd made a little time to learn how to cook at least a few of her mother's specialties. There was no way she'd ever have curry or sashimi the way her mother had made them again. 

Nobody could cook like okaa-san. She was graceful, both in the kitchen and out of it. Though, of course, okaa-san didn't have to deal with chichi-ue being a pervert. She swung around and frowned at the houshi, who was standing opposite of her, on the other side of the fire. What to make? They had hunted earlier in the day, and had some fresh game. 

Graceful. Well, just spitting a chunk of meat was hardly graceful. That meant using the pot, and the spices...what did she have? 

Each of the bottles was labeled differently: parsley, ginger, nutmeg, garlic, arrowroot, something called 'allspice'...that one puzzled her. If it was called 'allspice' did it have a little bit of all spices in it? She really wasn't sure. But surely, with some of these, she should be able to make something good. After all, ramen was instant. Maybe just throwing them all in would work the same way. 

"Houshi-sama... can you go see if you can find some plants in the woods? They're about the length of my hand, and have red blossoms. My mother used to use them for her special recipe." 

She vaguely remembered okaa-san doing that, and sending Miroku off would protect her from being groped. The monk nodded. "Anything for you, my dear Sango," he declared, grabbing his staff and heading off into the woods. 

Well, considering that the red-blossomed plants only bloomed in the high altitudes in the mountains, that would certainly keep him busy for awhile, and let her figure out what to do with all these spices. They'd found a deer that afternoon, so apparently that was what she was making. 

It only took her a moment to set up a spit for the pot, which fortunately had a handle on it. She slid it over the main branch, letting it balance, and then filled it with water from one of their water skins. 

Inu Yasha watched her movements. "Oi, Sango..." he said. 

"Yes?" she replied, trying not to sound agitated. 

"Maybe you should just let Miroku do the cooking. I don't think the spit is supposed to drag the meat through the coals like that." 

Sango glared upward, where Inu Yasha was sprawled out in a tree. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on Kagome-chan?" 

"Feh...." then Inu Yasha blinked, realizing that Kagome had run off into the Big Evil Forest all by herself. "Kuso!" 

Sango sighed as the hanyou leapt up and began to chase after the schoolgirl, the trees shaking behind him as he leapt from one to another. 

"Ne, Sango?" Shippou asked, having been quietly sitting at the edge of camp. "Can I help?" 

She smiled at him gently. "I think I can do this, but you can be my taste tester, okay?" 

Shippou gave her a grin. He loved to eat, and if he was the taste-tester, he could probably worm more food out of Sango. "Great!" 

She sighed and straightened the spit, turning is slightly to try to get the meat to cook as she set the spout over another part of the fire. She looked at the bottles of spices and started to empty a little into the water, and then more. She liked her food spicy. A stew sounded good- as soon as the meat cooked, she could cut pieces off and toss it in to work on a broth. 

Carefully, she picked up the haunch and laid it out- she'd cleaned it earlier- that much was easy. There were a few knives with their packs of things, but she wasn't used to using those. Instead, she pulled out her short sword and chopped it in half, then quarters, smaller into tiny chunks. 

Shippou was watching this wide eyed, amazed over the use of a sword for everyday culinary purposes. Sango knew how to use her weapons. 

The pieces didn't come out perfectly, but that was all right. As long as they were cut, they'd cook, right? Grabbing a handful of unevenly-sliced bits, she douse them each thoroughly in the all-spice before tossing it into the water. The water would rinse them fairly well, but... the flavor would still remain. 

Shippou watched, confused. He'd never seen Miroku or Kagome be so heavy-handed with the spice. 

Shippou edged his way a bit closer, avoiding the final slices of the short sword as Sango picked up the hacked up chunks and plopped them into the water with a splash. 

"Ano...Sango...um....what kind of spice are you using?" 

"It's called allspice," she replied as she put the last of the meat in to boil. 

"Oh..." he managed, scratching the back of his head uncertainly. "I just thought you shouldn't put so much in...." 

Sango's eyes narrowed, and Shippou backed up. He'd seen how hard she could slap, and didn't exactly want to be on the receiving end. "But I'm sure it's going to be great!" he squeaked. 

She beamed at him. 

* 

Meanwhile, Inu Yasha had finally caught up to Kagome. She was bent over a large clump of tubers, happily yanking at them as she hummed the latest song by Malice Mizer. Her skirt was riding dangerously high on her thighs, and Inu Yasha had to tell himself NOT to look a few times. 

After a moment, Kagome straightened up, wiping a bit of dirt from her cheek and turned around to see Inu Yasha blinking at her, eyes wide. 

"Inu Yasha?" 

"Huh?" 

"Were you looking up my skirt?" 

Blink. Blink. 

"Osuwari." 

Splat. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked, an angry flush on her cheeks. 

"Sango pointed out that you were going into the woods by yourself." 

"I can take care of myself!" she said. "I have my bow!" 

"It doesn't seem to help! I was able to sneak up on you?" 

She sighed. "But it was just you!" 

"Yeah, and if it had been Kouga or somebody, then what?" 

Kagome groaned, wishing Inu Yasha would just get it through his thick skull that she was NOT interested in Kouga-kun. "Then you would have come to rescue me like always." 

That, of course, earned a smug look. Nothing like playing to his ego to get him to be quiet. "So Miroku-sama and Shippou are with Sango-chan?" 

"The bouzu went off looking for some fancy flowers or something. Shippou's probably hanging around and trying to get some extra food." 

He paused, looking uncertain for a second, and Kagome braced herself. Usually when he had that expression on his face he was just about to say something that would make her want to "sit" him. "Ano... Kagome.... are you sure it's a good idea to let Sango do the cooking?" 

Kagome blinked with surprise. What was wrong with letting Sango cook? She seemed perfectly capable of doing just about anything she turned her hand to. After all, didn't the taiji-ya make sure she was trained? They'd have to have had some kind of field training, including camping and cooking outside. Sure the spices were from the modern era, but they were, after all, just spices. What could go wrong? 

"Well, why not? She's got everything she needs. Why? She wasn't having trouble was she?" 

Inu Yasha felt sweat bead on the back of his neck. "The first thing she did was get rid of Miroku-" 

"Well, she's tired of getting groped! I can't say I blame her!" 

"-and then she put some meat on the coals...." 

"She could have slipped!" 

"-and then she sent me off to protect you when I suggested she should let Miroku do the cooking!" 

"Well-" Kagome tried to think of another excuse for her friend. 

Inu Yasha merely flicked his ears, buffing his claws against his shirt. 

"It's bad, isn't it?" Kagome said after a moment's reflection. 

"I know not to put raw meat on dirty coals," he sniffed, folding his arms and looking away. "I think we'd better go rescue our dinner." 

"Well..." Kagome began, frowning. Both of them rushing back would embarrass Sango. Besides, if the food was fully cooked, it was unlikely they'd suffer food poisoning from it. "We can't go charging back there...." 

"Why not?" 

"Mou...it'll hurt her feelings, baka," Kagome told him sourly. He was so inconsiderate sometimes. "Maybe we can find something to eat out here. I've already got an armload of plants. Let's make something vegetarian." 

"Veg-e-ter...." he began uncertainly. Then he realized what she meant. "No meat? Oy! I like meat!" 

"Then eat what Sango-chan is making." 

He whimpered. 

* 

Miroku, meanwhile, returned with the plants Sango had been asking for, presenting them to her proudly, like a bouquet. She glared... she honestly hadn't been expecting him to find anything resembling those flowers, and hadn't planned to include them.... but now that she had them.... 

"Thanks, houshi-sama," she said, plucking the petals off and throwing them into the pot. 

It couldn't hurt, could it? 

"The flowers must have a wonderfully mild taste to use so many of them," Miroku mused as Sango brushed off her hands. "It took awhile to find the right ones." 

"Uh, yes...mild," Sango replied, opening the bottle labeled 'nutmeg.' It had a pungent scent, and Shippou wrinkled his nose from across the camp. Whatever she was cooking up over there, he wanted no part of it. Humans were lucky they couldn't pick up on the less recognizable odors coming out of the pot. Phew.... 

Sango was starting to get the hang of it. Add a pinch of this, another of that... and voila! A tasty meal... she hoped. 

Ten minutes later, she decided all that she needed to do was let it simmer. "Shippou? Would you be so kind as to taste this for me?" she asked pleasantly. 

Now the kitsune cub was torn. He loved Sango dearly, and wouldn't do anything to hurt her, but... he looked dubiously at the brown sludge that was sprinkled with dots of spice and red flower petals. 

"Uh....eat it now?" 

"Well, of course," Sango replied, puzzled at his hesitation. "Here," she said, picking up a bowl and ladling it halfway full of the steaming stew. "You said you wanted to be my taster, right?" 

Reluctantly, Shippou accepted the goop, poking it with a finger. At least it wasn't moving. Maybe if he pretended it was candy hard enough, he could choke it down. Something with lots and lots of sugar, like something Kagome brought with her. With a heroic air, he lifted the bowl up, squeezed his eyes shut, and swallowed a mouthful. 

He felt a slight shudder go through his body as he swallowed hastily. It was an odd sensation, and he wondered if he was being poisoned- or dying. He opened his eyes, fluttered his long lashes in surprise, and looked at Miroku. "It's edible!" he declared in shock. The flavor could use some work, and the meat was unevenly cooked, but he wasn't dead. It was better than he had been expecting. 

Miroku gave Sango a charming smile as she scowled at the kitsune. "Anything prepared by Sango must be wonderful. May I have some?" 

Sango's face lit up. "Of course!" she pulled out another bowl, and began to ladle some into it for Miroku. 

Looking at the goop in the bowl, Miroku shrugged. It looked odd, but if the kitsune was able to eat it, then he was sure he could as well. He did the same as Shippou- lifted the bowl to his lips and swallowed a mouthful. 

At first, he only noticed the odd taste. Then...his eyes began to water and his face began to turn red, then purple. 

Shippou paused, looking at Sango. "I don't think that was supposed to happen..." 

"No, it wasn't!" Sango insisted. "Houshi-sama, stop faking!" she said snappishly. Shippou was a picky eater, and if HE liked her food, then there was no reason for Miroku to get all dramatic about it. 

Miroku continued to gag. When his eyes rolled up in his head and he passed out, Sango blinked a couple times and her anger began to fade into worry. Those flowers...she didn't really know what they were...they could be poisonous! 

"Shippou, where does Kagome-chan leave her medicine?" 

"Uh...in her bag thing...." 

"I think I should get him something..." Sango said. 

"How do you know you won't poison him worse?" Shippou asked. He took another mouthful of the soup, apparently unbothered by the possibility that he could be hurting himself. 

"Um... maybe I should wait for her?" 

Looking through the various items in Kagome's bag as she rummaged, Sango came across the white box that Kagome kept her bandages and such in. Sure enough, inside were bottles of medicines. Though she didn't know which was which. She really wasn't trying to kill Miroku...waiting for Kagome would be a good idea. Glancing at the houshi, she saw how red in the face he looked. Maybe waiting was not such a great idea. 

"Shippou, you're feeling fine with the food, aren't you?" 

He polished off the bowl. "No problem." 

"Then could you go find Kagome and Inu Yasha for me? I'll keep an eye on houshi-sama." 

"Okay!" Shippou said, setting aside his nearly empty bowl and bouncing away towards the forest. Sango watched him go, nibbling her lip in concern. 

"Houshi-sama? Are you feeling okay?" she asked in concern. 

Miroku cracked open his eyes and stared up at the sky. "As long as you speak to me, I'll be fine," he said. "Your sweet voice is as music to my ears..." 

Sango stared for a moment, fighting a blush. He was lying on the ground sick from...no, it couldn't be food poisoning...her dinner couldn't be that bad.... 

And then she felt it. He was going to be just fine, the pervert..... "And apparently rubbing my butt just puts you in heaven!" 

Smack. 

* 

Shippou raced into the forest as fast as he could, hoping to find Kagome. He had developed a sixth sense for where she was, and he was lucky enough to run into her and Inu Yasha, who apparently were hurrying back to the campsite. "Shippou? Is something wrong?" Kagome asked. 

"Miroku's sick..." Shippou said. 

"Sick?" Kagome repeated. Then, cautiously, "How did he get sick, Shippou?" 

Still breathing a bit hard from the run, Shippou panted, "I don't know! He ate some of Sango's dinner, but I ate it too, and I feel..." he paused uncertainly for a moment. He didn't feel sick, exactly. But on the way there, he felt a little funny. "...fine?" he finished. 

Inu Yasha snorted. "Stupid humans... weak. Can't even take a little bit of poison." 

"Poison?" Shippou and Kagome said in unison. 

"Sure. Sango was cooking..." 

"Osuwari!" 

SPLAT. 

"DAMN WITCH! That was the second time in half an hour!" 

"Sango is not using poison in her food!" Kagome snapped at him in irritation. Then she noticed how Shippou was suddenly wavering on his feet, looking dizzy. "Shippou?" 

"Kagome? I feel kinda funny...." 

"You were saying?" Inu Yasha asked with a viscous satisfaction as he stared up at them from where he was lying on the ground. 

"Sango would never intentionally hurt her friends!" Kagome insisted. 

"Intentionally is the key word there," Inu Yasha snapped right back as he managed to rise to his feet, brushing the dirt off his clothes. 

"Inu Yasha...." Kagome began warningly. "Do you want to get it again?" 

"Feh." 

She sighed and turned to scoop up Shippou, who blinked and looked at her a little distractedly. "We'd better go back and see how Miroku-sama is doing." 

The three of them, Kagome carrying Shippou, hurried back towards camp. When they arrived, they discovered Miroku with a bright handprint on his face, and an annoyed looking Sango sorting through Kagome's first aid kit. 

"Sango, need help?" Kagome offered. 

Sango turned around, her expression divided between guilt, relief, and embarrassment. "Please! He just... got sick. I don't know what to do..." she confessed. 

"Well... what did he eat?" Kagome asked practically. 

"I'm not exactly sure..." Sango admitted. 

Inu Yasha started to laugh hard at that one. 

Kagome's eyebrow twitched. "Osuwari." 

Splat. 

"Dammit!!" 

"Actually, I'm feeling better." Shippou announced, leaping out of Kagome's arms. He looked between the two females. "Inu Yasha just has a big mouth." 

Inu Yasha, who had just peeled himself from the dirt again, balled up a fist and tried to punch the kitsune. 

Shippou ducked, and wailed. "KAGOME!!! Inu Yasha's trying to hit me!" 

Kagome turned and gave Inu Yasha a Look. Inu Yasha decided it would be wise to get back on her good side. "Feh. Sango's cooking can't be that bad. I'm sure Miroku is just faking... what are you doing?" he asked as Kagome dug through her medicine box. 

"Looking for my Maalox... So far I can only find the Ipecac and I don't think Miroku would appreciate that..." 

"Hm, stupid human," he said. He went over to the pot of stew, which Sango had remove from the fire to keep from burning, and sniffed. "Well, the meat's cooked." He grabbed a bowl and scooped some in. 

A moment later, he'd downed the bowl, figuring that if it really was as bad as he thought, then at least it'd be down in a second and over with. Back on Kagome's good side, and probably Sango's too.   
It was as bad as he thought, and he resisted the urge to gag. Forcing himself, he plastered on a fake grin and sat down, covering up the nauseous feeling. "Just...fine...." 

The girls stared at him in surprise. After a moment, Kagome shrugged. 

Inu Yasha's grin faded after a moment when his vision started faded in and out, and he began to lose his sense of smell. "I don't feel so well..." he muttered to himself. 

"Great. Now we have two of them to take care of," Kagome said irritably. 

Sango looked like she wanted to disappear. "I'm so sorry..." 

"Inu Yasha...why is your hair turning black?" Shippou asked as he watched the ailing hanyou. 

"B...black?" Inu Yasha stared, then grabbed a length of darkening hair. "What the hell?" 

Kagome glanced at the first aid kit. It wasn't Inu Yasha's 'time of the month'...it wasn't even sunset yet. And there he was, with quickly blackening hair. "Sango-chan...what...exactly did you put in that stew? Anything weird?" 

"Um... most of Kagome's spices, some meat, a kind of flower Miroku brought back..." 

"Flower?" Kagome asked. "What was it?" 

"No idea..." 

"Miroku? What flower did you give Sango?" 

"She told me to get her a flower that was about the length of her hand- so I did. She used an awful lot..." Miroku said. Then he groaned. "Inu Yasha, do me a favor and let my air rip suck me in...." 

"Houshi-sama, that's not funny!" Sango snapped, looking at him sourly. 

Miroku grinned, then passed out. 

Sango shook her head at the unconscious monk and sighed. "It probably was the flowers." 

"Let me see them..." Kagome asked, heading towards the near-empty pot of bad stew. Inu Yasha, in the meantime, was looking ill, staring at his unnaturally black hair in shock. 

"Sango..." he said, his voice calm, "what flowers were they?" 

"I just told Kagome, I don't know!" she said, slightly panicky. 

Shippou wandered over the now-human Inu Yasha. "I've never seen you as a human in sunlight... man, you make an ugly man..." he said, peering up at him. 

That promptly earned him a whack on the head. 

"Waaaaah!! Kagome!" 

Glancing up from the pot, Kagome saw a scowling Inu Yasha, glowering at Shippou who was clutching his head. "Inu Yasha! Don't make me say it when you're in your human form!" 

"I'm not supposed to BE human! Sango! What did you PUT in there?" 

"Um..." she looked at Kagome guiltily. "What did I put in there?" 

"You don't KNOW?!" Inu Yasha snapped. He rose to his feet and stomped over as Kagome tried to identify the plant. 

"I don't know..." Kagome said. "I've never seen this before," she said, holding some of the flower that Sango had fished out of the soup. 

Inu Yasha sniffed it, then glared at Sango when he realized that his sense of smell wouldn't help him identify it. "Sango..." he said. "Where did Miroku get this?" 

"Up the mountain somewhere. I'm not really sure...and it looks like we can't ask him," she finished uncomfortably, glancing at the unconscious houshi. "I should never have put that in there...." 

"Well, we should figure out how to reverse the effects...." Kagome said. 

"Well, poisons usually wear off... don't they?" Sango asked nervously. 

"Some do. Not all- especially youkai poisons, and I'm starting to think this is one. I wish Kaede was here!" Kagome said. 

"Normally I'd volunteer to go get her, but right now I'm rather helpless," Inu Yasha grumbled. 

"We're not too far from the village...I can go, being the only full youkai here," Shippou boasted, puffing up and looking determined. After the round of dizziness with the soup, he was feeling unusually good. "I can go get Kaede-babaa!" 

"Shippou, it's dark out and dangerous...." Kagome began, only to watch as the kitsune took off through the forest. 

"Maybe I should send Kirara after him?" Sango offered as Shippou disappeared from view. 

"That's a good idea... Kirara!" Sango called. 

No answer. 

"Kirara's been missing for a while..." Inu Yasha said. "Actually, I haven't seen her since... since..." he looked thoughtful, "Sango said she'd cook." He looked at her with wide eyes. 

"Sango?" Kagome asked. 

"No comment! KIRARA!" 

After several minutes more shouting, the bushes rustled and out stepped a nervous looking Kirara, red eyes looking cautiously at the empty pot. Seeing it was empty, she came closer and jumped up into Sango's arms. 

"Kirara," Sango told her, "Shippou just ran off toward the village. I want you to follow him and make sure he's all right. Understand?" 

That earned her a mew of acknowledgement, and Kirara leapt down, heading after Shippou. 

Kagome produced a bottle of Ipecac and sighed. "I think it's best to induce vomiting...." she said. 

"What?" Sango asked. 

"Miroku didn't eat that long ago.... right?" 

"Right..." 

"So we're going to wake him up and make him throw it up!" Kagome looked a little queasy at the idea. "You can give him a spoonful of this and... deal with the consequences." 

"Why me?" Sango asked. 

"Because if he tries anything with Kagome while she feeds it to him, I'll kill him." Inu Yasha stated, hefting the un-transformed Tetsusaiga. 

"Oh, so him groping me is fine with you then?" Sango demanded, an eyebrow twitching. 

Inu Yasha backed away, suddenly remembering that he was human and Sango tended to beat people who pissed her off enough. Such as the unconscious bouzu. 

"Let's not go there," Kagome said. "It was your cooking that made him sick Sango, and it's only fair for you to deal with the repercussions. Besides, I have to figure out what to do about this idiot."   
Inu Yasha sniffed. 

"What to do? Aside from being human, he's perfectly fine," Sango said as she grabbed a canteen Kagome had brought with her and uncorked it, prepared to use it to awaken the sleeping monk. "Aside from being human, nothing's wrong with him." 

"Yes, but he's a hanyou. This isn't normal... how long will it last? Are their any other side effects? What if we're attacked while he's human? How about..." Kagome said, before she trailed off, suddenly aware that she was rubbing his condition in. 

"Fine, fine," Sango sighed, taking the medicine from Kagome and wrinkling her nose at it. Make Miroku vomit. That just seemed so...wrong, somehow. He was currently laying on the ground, arms outstretched and head tilted to the side, a bit uncomfortable judging by the expression on his face. Well, Kagome did have a point. Her cooking made him sick, she should clean him up. She winced. Oh, would she have to clean him up.... 

"Kagome, how do I give this to him, and how much?" 

"Just a spoonful, and if that doesn't work, you can give him another. Oh- make SURE he's awake... it's really bad if someone's unconscious and throws up!" she warned. 

Sango nodded and grinned wickedly. She would enjoy this first part. She upended the canteen over Miroku's face, listening with satisfaction as water splashed all over him. 

This time, Sango was ready. As Miroku's usual I'm-unconscious-and-now-I'm-waking-up routine began, she grabbed his hand before it reached her rear end and she pinned it down. Miroku's eyes shot open to see a smug Sango sitting next to him. "Sango?" 

"No grabbing this time. You have to take this," she informed him as she poured out a spoonful. "And if you tell me to give it to you mouth to mouth I'll smack you again." 

"I may not be able to take it any other way," he sighed dramatically, then winced as he felt his stomach turn over. "Sango, what're you giving..." he was cut off as Sango shoved the spoon into his mouth. 

He swallowed reflexively, and shortly after... 

"Eww..." Sango said. 

* 

Inu Yasha played with his hair, looking slightly stunned. "This has to be a nightmare. Any moment I'm going to wake up, and..." 

Kagome felt sorry for him, but she knew that reality had to be faced. "Inu Yasha-" 

He interrupted her. 

"I'm not going to have to puke it up too, am I?" 

"Eh?" Kagome blinked, taken aback. Inu Yasha didn't look sick, unless you counted him turning human being 'sick.' Though that might work...she didn't really know. How did the flowers turn him human in the first place? She hoped Shippou and Kirara were at Kaede's by now.... 

He looked at the bottle Sango had abandoned. "If I throw up, will I go back to normal?" He sounded of decidedly mixed feelings. 

"I don't know..." 

"DAMMIT!" he swore. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN!" 

"What's wrong with being human?" Kagome asked. 

Inu Yasha realized he was caught again. Say humans were weak, and he would never hear the end of it. "I'm not human. I'm not supposed to be human," he repeated, as though this would be enough of an answer. "How am I supposed to fight as a human?" 

Kagome realized that she had to think VERY carefully before speaking. "Well, I'm sure it's temporary. And you survive every new moon, so you can survive this!" She said, lying through her teeth. She wasn't sure what she was going to do if he didn't revert to his hanyou self, and she was sure that Sango had better start praying to whatever higher power was listening that it happened soon. 

Or else the consequences would be... unpleasant. 

Inu Yasha wasn't the most forgiving person Kagome knew under normal circumstances, and if this didn't work out soon, the taijiya was likely to have a drastically shortened life expectancy. 

"Feh." 

Kagome sighed, relieved that she had escaped further explanations for the time being. "It didn't seem to effect Shippou for very long, Inu Yasha. He probably is back at the village by now. Kaede'll be on her way. She may know more about what to do." 

Inu Yasha was apparently settling into stubborn mode, folding his arms and not answering anything. 

"That babaa better be able to help... it's the only thing she's good for..." he muttered. 

"Who's a babaa?" a growly voice said, and Inu Yasha spun around, surprised. Kagome tried to hide her wince. Inu Yasha, without his heightened senses, was unused to human frailties, and being reminded of them made him nervous. 

Out of the shadows of the forest, three figures began to emerge slowly, led by Kaede. Shippou and a fully sized Kirara were a step behind her, Shippou practically bouncing that he had been successful on his mission. 

"I brought back Kaede!" he exclaimed as he bounded back into the fire's circle. "Ran the whole way there!" 

"He claims that Sango has used some strange plant in your dinner. May I see it?" 

Guiltily, Sango sighed and offered up the pot for Kaede to inspect. 

Kaede looked at the scant remains of the meal with her good eye, before poking it with her finger. "The meat's burned," she said thoughtfully. 

"Kaede-sama!" Sango exclaimed, flushing bright red with embarrassment. 

"That's not the problem, though. It looks like this is a youkai plant," she said, picking up a petal that was covered in the poor broth. "Look at it, Kagome... can you seen the youki?" 

Curious, Kagome edged her way forward and looked at the small, flat leaves Kaede was offering to her. Around them was a tracery of the youki as Kaede said there was. It was faint, though once she looked for it, distinct. "Do you know what the effects of it are?" she asked, brows knitting in puzzlement. "Shippou seems fine...." she trailed as she looked at him. He was still bouncing off the walls. Hyper, but fine. "Miroku got sick, which makes sense if he's human, but Inu Yasha...the reaction is completely different." 

"Hanyou against full youkai," Kaede mused, sniffing the plants and wrinkling her nose. "Hard to say, with youkai plants." 

"Will it wear off?" Sango asked hopefully. 

"It should, eventually," Kaede replied, hoping she was correct. 

"Great..." Inu Yasha muttered. "Sango, I hate you. Just so you know. And I'm adding to my to-do list. One- kill Naraku. Two- humiliate you- maybe lock you in a room with Miroku, without Kirara or your weapons, tie you up..." Inu Yasha said, starting to daydream about how he's get even. 

Shippou looked at Inu Yasha. "Hey! It's not her fault!" he yelled. 

"Shut up, Shippou!" Inu Yasha whacked the kitsune on the head, as he usually did when the kid pissed him off enough. Though instead of the usual tears that it resulted, Shippou's face went deep red- he wasn't sure what happened next. All Inu Yasha knew was that he suddenly was thrown against the tree behind him. 

Everyone stood still for a moment, staring. Shippou blinked a couple times, looking at the kitsune bi still glowing around him. Then, he imitated Inu Yasha. "What the hell?" 

Everyone blinked, and the human Inu Yasha just stared at him. "What just happened here?" Kagome asked nervously. 

"Shippou just threw Inu Yasha, who outweighs him by about at least ten times, into a tree that is at least ten feet away," Sango said, staring in disbelief. 

Inu Yasha pinched himself. "Okay... now I know this is a dream... a nightmare! Naraku must have trapped me in some of those weird vines again!" 

"I just threw Inu Yasha," Shippou was saying to himself, staring at his hands. "I just threw Inu Yasha. Inu Yasha is bigger than me. How did I do that? I just threw Inu Yasha...." Then a huge grin spread over his face. "YEAH! I just threw Inu Yasha!" 

"Shut up, Shippou!" the now-human hanyou snarled, only to see Shippou burst into hysterical laughter. 

"I threw Inu Yasha!" 

"We know, Shippou, we know," Kagome scolded, frowning down at the kitsune. "Kaede said it would wear off eventually, and you don't want him to be mad at you when it does, do you?" 

Shippou sobered a minute, then began to giggle. "N...no..." he gasped before falling into another fit. "This is great!" 

Miroku had made enough of a recover to stagger back to the group. He still looked a little bit green, but Sango valiantly ignored it as she asked him, "How long before he tries to get even with Inu Yasha?" 

"Less then a minute. If I were Inu Yasha, I'd start running...." Miroku said quietly, leaning against Sango's shoulder. 

Sure enough... 

"Kitsune bi!!!" A ball of aquamarine smoky light shot out and charred the tree where Inu Yasha had just vacated. 

"You little punk! What the hell are you trying to do to me?" 

"Kitsune...." 

"Shippou-chan!" Kagome shouted, reaching down and grabbing the maniacal kitsune by the tail, foiling his revenge plans entirely. "Didn't anyone ever tell you two wrongs don't make a right?" 

Shippou blinked. "No?" 

Kagome sighed. This was going to be a long night. 

"Kagome," Kaede said, placing a weathered hand on the young girl's shoulder, "let Shippou have his fun. He's going to pay for it..." 

"But..." Kagome began to protest, but was unable to refrain from giggling when Shippo actually managed to transform into a full-sized mononoke that was... frightening in appearance. "I wish I could make him osuwari as well..." she muttered. 

"GAH!" Inu Yasha screamed, as Kagome's accidental usage of the command sent him to the ground, making him even easier prey for the kitsune kit. 

The giant, frightening form of Shippou loomed over the little human form on the ground, still peeling himself from the dirt. "Shippou! When I get my powers back, you're dead! You hear me? Dead!" 

"But right now..." the grin on Shippou's face just got bigger as he edged forward. 

Sango was still a bit nervous, and she glanced at Kaede. She had used an awful lot of flowers. "Kaede...how long would you estimate Shippou has before he turns back to normal?" 

"The more he uses his powers, the quicker they're run out... think of it like a bucket of water- the more he drinks, the less there is." 

Kagome nodded, and tried to decide what to do. She adored Shippou, but he really was out of control. And if he wasn't careful, he could seriously hurt Inu Yasha... Inu Yasha's human body couldn't take that much punishment. 

"Shippou-chan, NO MORE CANDY!" 

Crouching and about to spring another kitsune-bi on Inu Yasha, Shippou froze mid attack. He blinked, then his eyes filled up with tears as he whirled around. "Not even chocolate?" 

"If you hurt Inu Yasha, no more Pocky, either!" 

He gasped. "You wouldn't!" 

"Shippou, leave Inu Yasha alone!" 

Come to this point, Shippou considered his options. He had heard Kaede- this wasn't permanent, and eventually he'd be back to normal again. Inu Yasha would pound on him again. This was his only time for vengeance. And yet...no candy? That was cruel! What was worse, Kagome actually looked mad at him. Kagome was never MAD at him. He bit his lip. 

"All right, all right....." 

He "poofed", and then the waiting began.... 

* 

It took three days for Inu Yasha to regain his youki, and those three days were the most miserable of Sango's life. Miroku bounced back from the stew relatively quickly, and she quickly got over her quilt about that (one misplaced hand on the monk's part took care of it), and Shippou was delighted with his strengthened powers, for the six hours they lasted. Inu Yasha, though.... 

...was reminded of why he didn't want to be a human. It was strange walking around without white hair, gold eyes, claws, fangs and puppy ears. He felt weak. Kagome, though, took this as an interesting opportunity to drag him through the well and show him the modern world for a day. That, though, is another story.   
  
  
  



End file.
